Showers for Zachary

This is a long one!
Zachary is one loved little boy, already!!!  In the last few weeks, we've had two beautiful showers thrown for us.  I can't even begin to express how blessed and lucky we feel that so many people want to love on us and our little baby boy.  It's overwhelming, but in a big and beautiful way.  
Something that I have struggled with in this pregnancy after loss is feeling like a fraud, like I don't really belong to the "club" of preggo moms, or the mother-to-be club.  That is a product of a loss such as ours, it feels hard trying to fit in.  But now, since the showers and the nursery, this really feels REAL.  And I love that it feels real.  I am loving the thought of being a mom to him, and I am loving LETTING myself believe that it could happen!
Our first shower was thrown for us at my school.  My Special Area team hosted it.  Dave and Ashley and my parents came for it, and it was so sweet.  We got WAY more for Zachary than we deserve, and I am so lucky that I work with such a wonderful staff.  Here are a few of the pictures we have from that day...

The beautiful cake made for us by Peggy and decorated by the talented Denise...it was SO yummy!

Mom and Dad getting some food...

Dave & Ashley digging in too...

I wore the sweet scarf that Blythe and Chuck sent us last year, a tribute to Jackson and Lily as we celebrate their baby brother.  Here I am opening a gift from one of the families from our school!

My dad, being a goof as always.  This beach hat is adorable!  I can't wait to put him in it at the pool and the OBX this summer!

Dave, holding the gift from my team!  We love to eat, so this gift was perfect - his bottle set!

Me, opening gifts.  I make funny faces while I do this apparently :)

We got so many sweet little outfits!  

The pile of wonderfulness after we got home!
I wish I had more pics of the shower, but Dave & Ash only really took pics of me.  It was a very sweet shower and a lot of friends came to bless us!  Thank you, Squirrels!!!
Our next shower was this past weekend, thrown by our dearest oldest friends and hosted at Jenny's beautiful home.  We had a brunch, and lots of fun and laughter, and it was awesome!!  My family and closest friends came, and again we were blessed way beyond what we deserve!

Ashley was in charge of pics, and she did a great job of capturing all the little sweet details!  Our nursery theme is vintage travel or little explorer, and Jenny and our family friends did an awesome job of decorating in that same theme.  Below is his name on vintage map paper!  So cute!

Lots of great little touches!

Hot air balloons with his name on them hanging everywhere!

Dave's grandma "Grammy" and my sweet mother-in-law, Joyce...

Mom was in charge of games, which was hysterical because she stressed everyone out with them...she takes her jobs very seriously as Grandma!  Here are the baskets she created as gifts...

Mom and I posing for a pic - she likes to wear sunglasses like a NY diva.  I always have to remind her to take them off!

Gift time!  I can't believe how much we got!!

Clothes and activity gyms and Mamaroos and lots of fun stuff!

My dress is from Old Navy, and I love it:)

My Sister in Law (the saint who married my brother!) was awesome and helped me with the gifts.  Love you, Krystal!

Mom organizing a game...

Friends and family, stressing over said games;)

My aunt, who did know not the answer to the celebrity game, so she just wrote WHAAAAAT?  On the paper!  It was funny, she is the best!

This sweet onesie was given to us by Blythe and Chuck, and it almost sent me into a fest of crying ugly but joyful tears.  Can you read what it says?  I can't even talk about it without tearing up...

It's one of the FIRST outfits I am putting Zachary in, whether it fits or not.  It's already in the hospital bag.  Love you, Bluck and Chythe!!

Dave showed up halfway through the gift part, and I made him open one with me...

This was our awesome pack and play with newborn napper, given to us from his mom.  What a great gift!

My mom and dad got us our travel system, I don't have a pic of that but it was also an awesome gift.  Our family and friends are way too generous!

Here is our beautiful cake, and it too was DELISH!

Joyce also made her famous strawberry shortcake.

Heather, my very best BFF, was visiting from Texas last weekend.  I basically made my friends throw the shower on this day so she could be a part of it.  I couldn't have a shower without her!!!  Zachary is going to love his auntie!

Me and Katie Mac, friends for life.  She is an awesome friend, I love her, and she gave us an amazing airplane that we hung in the nursery, pics to come soon of that!

Don't forget the big sis, she can't wait!

Heather, Jaimie, me and Jenny.  All friends from childhood, middle school and high school.  We grew up together, and all have very busy lives, but they will be my sisters forever.  I love you girls!

Dave and I, overwhelmed, happy and hopeful.  We are so thankful for all of our friends, family, and co-workers that are praying for this baby boy of ours!

                                                    

We had a lot of fun at all of our showers!  Zachary's nursery is full, so there is NO going back now.  He has to arrive, safe and happy and healthy!  I'll share pics of the room, maybe next week, because while we have all the furniture, storage and decor for the most part, it still all needs to be organized and decorated.  Oh and let me just say, we LOVED using BabyList as our registry.  If you are preggo, or planning on getting preggo, Babylist lets you combine all registries into one.  So you can put any item from any store on there, and it gives everyone the links to the stuff - you can choose how to buy it and where to buy the item from to get the best deal.  It even lists competitive prices.  I wish I would have thought of such a genius website, I'd be rich!

Anyways, THANK YOU to each and everyone of our friends and family that helped celebrate the coming of Zachary David.  God has truly blessed us with the best of friends and family.  Thank you for your support, and your prayers, and dealing with my neurotic ramblings over the past year.  It's been a crazy ride, but it'll be worth it when that little boy enters into the world and changes our lives forever.  I can't wait to share him with you!!!

Updates!

Well, I've been pretty quiet here on the blog for the past month.  Each time I wanted to write, I felt a little overwhelmed.  Being pregnant after losing Jackson (and Lily) has been such an emotional roller coaster, and sometimes I just don't notice the ups and downs until they are over.  For the past month, after each week went by I though...eh...I'll wait until next week, just in case something happens.  I didn't really realize that I was losing steam or faith, but now that I look at it, that is what was happening.  I'm not sure if it was my baby showers on the horizon, or the thought that all my testing would be starting soon...but I let fear in again, without even realizing it! So much has happened in the past month too!!  We painted the nursery, we put up the crib, we bought a dresser, we had TWO showers, we decided on his name (Zachary David, we can't wait to meet you!) and have had tons of doctor appointments.  I feel so out of touch with talking about him, and updating you, and figuring out how to feel and how to think.  It's just overwhelming.  But I'm back, ready to blog my way through the last few weeks we have left. Let's start there!  Today I am 33 weeks.  How did I get here?!  It seems to have gone by so, so fast.  I'm so lucky, and blessed, to have made it this far.  Achieving 33 weeks gives me lots of hope, tons of hope, actually.  I know I am not out of the woods yet, I know Zachary isn't either, but if he were to come into the world this evening, he has a heck of a great chance of living!!!  Yay!!
Here is the size of his hand right now, according to my app :)

The doctors have started me on twice a week testing, every week from here on out.  For the next 5 weeks at least.  5 weeks!!!  Can you believe that?  5 weeks from today is May 26th.  5 weeks from today I will be 38 weeks.  5 weeks, this baby could be in my arms.  I could be posting pictures for you!! They are starting to really talk about when they will induce us, because they will induce me...they definitely won't let him stay in me past 39 weeks, but 38 weeks seems to be the new magic number.  I told the docs that as long as he is growing well, and he is big and healthy enough for them, that they can get this kid out of me however early they want!  I just want him HERE, alive, in my arms!  
So...every Monday morning, and most Thursday afternoons (sometimes mornings) I go up to UCMC and have non stress tests and fluid checks done.  I've been to three of these appointments so far, and while I am a nervous mess each time, I do leave with so much relief and hope.  Each appointment is just another milestone that I can check off my mental list.  Zachary seems to be doing well, and I think that if there was any hint of a problem that these appointments will help us find it.
At our growth scan two weeks ago, he was measuring 1.5 weeks ahead of schedule - which could be from the diabetes, or it could totally be normal.  Lots of "normal" pregnancies measure ahead.  He weighed 3 pounds and 15 ounces two weeks ago, so you can bet this child is over 4 pounds now.  Last week when they did another scan for my fluid and the biophysical profile, his sweet little legs looked so chubby!  He's packing on that fat:)
Physically, I feel great.  I'll get tired on some days - especially on work days, and have to rest a lot and go to bed early, but other than that it's been uneventful.  Last week I had a little bout of nausea here and there, but other then upping my anxiety it didn't really bother me all that much.  I can't really complain about anything, other than the stress.  And I am really trying hard NOT to stress.  I keep busy, or I pray, or I do something to prepare for Zachary in spite of those terrible thoughts and voices that try to scare me.  I feel good about it all, really good, and I hope that is a good sign.  I can't believe that I will be a mother to an Earth baby, and very soon!  
What will being a mom of a live baby be like, I wonder?  What will the birth be like?  We decided not to take any classes, which may seem silly or dumb to a lot of people, but for me I know it's the right choice.  I think it will only make me anxious to plan too much, and to even be in the hospital for anything other than what I have to do.  I have been through a labor experience before, and while I know it will be LOADS different with a bigger, almost full term baby, I know what to expect.  I know what the birthing center looks like, I know that labor hurts, I know what to ask for and when to ask for it, and I feel pretty confident.  My doctors have pretty much told me that if I ask for a C-section, they will do it.  If I want to labor and medicate, they will let me.  I tell them that I'm going in there with an open mind, but if I suspect an issue, I want them to c-section him the heck out of me.  I'm not one of the types that wants my body to do its job as a woman or a mother, I really don't care.  I'm not going to stress myself, or Dave or my family, out with those silly details when the BIG picture is just to get Zachary out of this body ALIVE and well.  That's all I care about.  
I'm going to go into the hospital, and I am going to have a baby.  I'm trying to keep it as simple as that!  It may be complicated, it will be scary, but God is in control, and I am along for the ride however HE decides to use me.  I know a lot of people feel differently, but for me...that is it.  I'm going to have a baby.  However that happens!
For now, Zachary and I are doing very well.  I am enjoying feeling him move in my belly, and last night he even played with me a little bit.  He poked out of the right side of my stomach, and I poked him back, and we did that back and forth for a few minutes.  It sorta freaked me out, in the sweetest way possible.  I don't know if he was doing it on purpose or if he even understood that I was communicating with him, but it was cute.  I am enjoying each day with him, and hoping that our days together aren't numbered.  Well, I know that they are numbered, but hopefully that number is really big, and not small.
Thanks for all the love, prayers and support.  I can really feel the village rallying behind us, and I can't even express how much I appreciate it!  I can't wait to share Zachary with all of you!  I'll be back later this week, maybe with a shower update (we have had two amazing showers!), or maybe with a nursery update (it's really coming along!) but I won't be a stranger anymore, I promise! I hope everyone has a wonderful, relaxing night.  Sending hugs to you all! <3