February 15, 2016

All things mom

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Good morning!  It's 5:00 am! A certain someone woke up a bit early today, he was hungry, of course.  This little Valentine of mine is going through a growth spurt and getting 4 teeth at once!  So we had a bottle and he is back in his crib, Momma is currently trying to get him to fall back to sleep but so far, it has not been a very successful mission.  I keep trying to tell him that if it's dark outside, we sleep!  He hasn't gotten the memo yet, but hey, he is only 8 months old.  

I took a long break from blogging when I went back to work in September.  I needed the time to transition into a full time mom who works (lol, not a full time working mom.  I feel Mom-ing comes first, everything else comes second!)  It wasn't too bad a transition, although my heart definitely breaks every time I go to work now.  

Being Zachary's mom has been amazing and full of joy.  Yes, I guess you could say it's hard too, but I try not to focus on that part of motherhood as much as possible.  Those first few weeks are tough, but after that I think I got my groove.  Part of the hard is the WORLD.  There are so many things to worry about, so many opinions to dodge, so many reasons to think I am making a mistake with my child.  So many thoughts that can make me believe I am not a good mom.  Thankfully with Jesus and tons of prayer, we are getting through this parenting thing day by day and loving the adventure, whether we are good at it or not!

The lessons I am learning as a parent are beautiful ones too.  These lessons sometimes contradict what I felt I have always believed, or fly in the face of things that other people believe, but I am surprised to learn how much my love for this little person makes me just not care about what I used to think or what others think.  My house is usually always a mess, but I have learned to love that.  My space has been taken over by all things baby and you know what?  I love it.  If we all need sleep and that means Zachary sleeps (safely) between Dave and I?  We do it.  If I needed to stop breastfeeding at 2 months for everyone I love and their sanity (but mostly mine and Z's), that was a decision I made and haven't turned back since.  Being a mom, I've learned very slowly that I have to do what works for us, what makes Zachary happy, what makes me happy, and just go with it.  When my decisions are backed in love and prayer and doing what I think is right, I am much more confident about myself.  

I used to think we could spoil a baby, but I don't believe that anymore.  Zachary runs the show right now, and we are ok with it.  From he beginning until about a month ago, our world completely revolved around him and his needs and his schedule.  We are slowly starting to make a transition where his schedule doesn't rule us all as much, and where he can't get "everything" he wants anymore, but that is because since he has been mobile, he has been more demanding of things he can't have.  Things like climbing up the stairs, and putting trash in his mouth, and trying to drink momma's wine, lol.  It's a tough change when you have to start saying "no".  We are trying hard to say things like, "Not right now" or "Not for Zachary" or even "Maybe later!!"  You should see his face when we tell him he can't have or do something, what a little attitude!  We have to constantly tell ourselves not to laugh, because I am sure that will come back to bite us later when we really have to start disciplining!  

I have found that being a parent, especially after our loss of the twins, has come with so much happiness.  I love every.single.moment.  I can't wait to wake up and see him in the morning.  I can't wait to get home from school and hug him.  I try to do everything in my power to make this little human happy.  His smile lights me up from the inside like I never knew was possible.  I cherish every new sound, every new movement, and every one of those 4 brand new teeth.  Yes we have bad days, and times where one or both of us just need a sanity break, but overall we have so much joy in our little home because of Zachary.  God as truly blessed us, and we are ever so thankful.  

Zachary is 8 and 1/2 months now.  He grows before my very eyes.  One moment he is a tiny baby who sleeps all day, and magically he is now this little ball of energy who wakes up smiling every day, standing in his crib and waving to me as I come to pick him up.  He sleeps through the night most of the time, 10-12 hours.  He has been crawling since Christmas Eve, that was a truly special time.  He says all sorts of sounds, but the only coherent one is "Mama" which right now he says to everything but when he says it to me, or calls me, my heart melts in a million puddles.  At church a few weeks ago, during worship, he started singing.  This baby is so HAPPY, his smile can light up anyones day!  He eats all kinds of things, I gave up on making the baby purees about a month ago because he would rather pick up little pieces of whatever we are eating and feed himself.  I still spoon feed him yogurt, my homemade applesauce, and some of those Annie's soups.  He just loves all food.  He will still be formula fed until he is one, but let me tell you I can't wait for the day we don't have to make that stuff as much anymore.  Although I can't even think about him turning one in a few months, time goes way too fast when they are this little, doesn't it?  I think every stage so far has been my favorite stage, but this age he is right now has been so much fun.  He really is our little explorer and it's a honor to get to watch him learn and grow!

Now that he is a little older, I feel that I have time to do some of the things I used to love to do before we had this little monster.  I have time to read, I have time to be creative, I have time for friends and fun.  Of course, in the earlier months I DID have time for those things, but I chose to sleep instead!  Sleep was important to me when I could manage it, because I never knew when I'd be able to sleep again.  Anyways, I'm back to blogging about life because it's something I really enjoy!  There have been so many things I've wanted to blog about over the past few months, but the thought of actually doing it made me tired ;)  Now I think I am ready again.  I love sharing our life and little tips about love, life and parenting that I find along the way.  So I'll see you again really soon!

PS: The baby fell back to sleep, Praise the Lord!  I'm going to go drink some coffee in silence! ;)


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