October 23, 2014

Day 23: Inspiration

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I am still trying to catch up on sleep and energy after our emotional day on Tuesday.  It took a lot out of me, more than I realized, to plan our babies memorial and go through the official motion of saying "goodbye" to them both.  It's hard to make it through each work day without falling asleep!  I've been trying to rest as much as possible when I am home, around living life and trying to take care of the house and my family.  I'll get better at it.  I know I have to be easy on myself this week, or even this whole month, and follow what my heart and body are saying to me.  Yesterday I came home and went right to bed after a nice long bath, it felt good to take care of me and just be lazy.  Good for the theme of self-care yesterday.

I'm loving this month of grieving, and I know that sounds weird, but I mean it.  It's been really helpful to explore my feelings and what Jackson and Lily mean to me.  Of course, I'd rather have them here, but since that's not possible I'll make the best of it.

Today's theme of #captureyourgrief is Inspiration.  I chose this picture of some of the balloons (enviro friendly, with twine that is also enviro friendly) we released for Jackson and Lily because they are my main inspiration during this time.  They inspire me to learn and grow and live life with love and peace.  They have changed me for the better in so many ways, they are still changing me.  I have a long way to go!  Part of the way I can endure them not being here with me is thinking about them daily and letting them guide my heart and actions.  I hope that I make them proud, I know that sounds so silly, but I want to be a good mom for them and because of them.  Just as if they were here.

Thanks for being my inspiration, dear babies.  Love you!  

Time for mom to go to bed. ZZZzzzzzZZzzzz
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