October 9, 2014

Day 9: In Memory

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This week has been so crazy.  Every night there's something I have had to do that involves running out and getting some errand done.  All the things have been important, but I feel like I'm not taking enough time for me to heal and process this whole month and project, and that is upsetting because this is a crucial time for me to take some time out of my life and relax and heal.  

Tonight, I forced myself to work on a project I've been meaning to do since July.  I really had a vision in my mind of a series of photos I wanted to frame to honor Jackson.  I finally did it!  I was tired and not feeling like being crafty, but I pushed through and am I am so glad I did.  I love how it turned out...

I know the pics are a little hard to see.  The first picture was taken a few weeks after we learned we were pregnant.  I was maybe 7 weeks there.  The next picture is Dave & Ashley, holding Jackson's sweet onesie made by Blythe & Chuck, this was part of our baby announcement.  Dave is wearing the baby's Mickey Mouse ears that I ordered special.  The third picture is Jackson, at his 16 week ultrasound that we went did to make sure he was ok.  His little profile is so perfect in that picture - it's hard to believe that 5 weeks later he would be gone.  The last picture is his name that I drew in the sand at the Outer Banks.  A sweet progression of his short life, and how much we love him.

Then I framed these...

These are pictures that I had made by Carly Marie.  She does amazing beach art memorial photography and I got one made for each twin.  

Sometimes I feel bad that I leave Lily out of my grief work.  I do grieve for her, but honestly not as badly as I do for Jackson.  I guess it's because we only knew about her for exactly 5 minutes, and then we learned "she" was gone.  We didn't have extravagant dreams or plans for her.  But, for those 5 short minutes, I was excited (and terrified) to be the mom of twins.

So there we go.  Day 9 of #captureyourgrief is titled In Memory.  I've got a few more plans for crafts and projects for a small memorial wall, but those will have to wait.  For now, I am proud of these beautiful pictures.

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